October 24, 2011 by Chris French
Like most men I keep my MAN CARD with my tools. I’m not really known, nor do I consider myself, good with said tools. In fact my wife is much better with my tools than I am. When we start a project she comes up with what whatever she’s dragged me into making this time will ideally look like. She lets me do the cutting because her fingers are more valuable than mine. You can’t groom dogs without a thumb, but you can learn to preach without one, at least that’s the word on the street. So my MAN CARD hangs out in a bejeweled tool belt studded with pink diamonds….and hammers and screwdrivers and other stuff too.
Yesterday we were thinking about where we (by “we” I mean my wife) wanted to plant some flower bulbs we had recently acquired from our neighborly Lowe’s when our new standard poodle, yeah I’ve got a poodle, but don’t revoke the CARD just yet, broke thru the awesomely sturdy gate I built two years ago to hold our bear cubs, by “bear cubs” I mean pomeranians. Dude stuck his head thru the slats in the gate then shoved the rest of his body thru said gate thus demolishing my work of man-dom. I had built that gate with my own two hands, saw and drill and now with one shove of his oaf-like head a poodle had destroyed it! Since my wife wouldn’t let me beat him with one of the more sturdy slats I decided to fix the gate so no one, fluffy poodle or fierce pomeranian, could defeat it. Here’s a picture so you can appreciate it better.
Now it’s got a 1×2 on either side, top, bottom and middle, held together with three inch bolts, about 60 of them! But I don’t stop there. No sir! I’ve got a MAN CARD to protect! I go inside, rip open the box holding a pool cue rack and start putting it together, without the use of the instructions of course. After 30 minutes and a very sore hand it was finished. The hand was sore because I hand screwed all the screws in just to add some bonus MAN points. I put it up in the youth house today and the last time I looked it was still together and even still hanging on the wall. I feel vindicated. I’m moving my MAN CARD from the bejeweled tool belt studded with pink diamonds to a more masculine version with blue diamonds.